There’s a truth about Daniel Flowers that is not necessarily well-known, but it should be: Daniel sucks at love. He always has, and it is probable he always will. But maybe the issue is not entirely with Daniel as a person. Maybe it is a larger issue revolving around our ingrained patterns of communication in affection, more specifically, our basic lack of communication regarding how to love. Maybe Daniel can’t love because he doesn’t know how, and that’s because no one ever taught him.
Let’s explore this by examining our main subject of interest, the person of Daniel. Now, Daniel studies psychology. However, contrary to popular opinion, he cannot read minds. He does tend to have a good understanding of how and why individuals operate as they do, and one particular area of interest for him is how individuals seek affection from others. But just because he knows how they desire to be loved does not mean he knows how to do it.
Daniel himself has ingrained patterns of giving and receiving love that he tends to stick to as they are all he knows. These do not fit every individual he encounters though, as different people call for different approaches to affection. He realises this and wants to learn. He also wishes others would learn to adore him and so, he is now attempting to provide some basic communication on how he loves and, in turn, desires to be loved.
How Daniel loves: Daniel desires to know those he loves. One of his main mediums of affection is
real quality conversation with people that is both uplifting and challenging. Essentially, Daniel likes asking questions, and if you allow him in, he will go deep fast.
How Daniel desires to be loved: Daniel desires to be known by those he loves. Similar to how he gives affection, real quality conversation that is both uplifting and challenging is one of his favourite ways to be adored. This means genuinely asking him good probing questions.
How Daniel struggles in love: Daniel tends towards spontaneity in relationships over structure. But he is also quite busy and so often the case is that those who are not in his immediate living and work vicinities begin to feel neglected as they simply do not cross paths when time is available for meaningful spontaneous love.
Now you know how Daniel desires to be loved, but that does not mean you know how to do it. For instance, asking good questions is a lost art for many; and for others this manner of showing affection may not be possible simply due to time constraints. If this is you, then it may seem that loving Daniel is impossible, but that would be missing the point entirely. Daniel wants to teach you how, and wishes you would do the same.
How can we teach each other to love? A basic understanding of teaching would be a good starting point. In teaching someone there are four basic phases. Phase 1: I show you how to do it. Phase 2: I do it with you. Phase 3: I watch you do it. Phase 4: You do it.
For example, Daniel knows a certain individual desires acts of service, but he doesn’t naturally notice opportunities for acts of service. However, if that individual were to inform him of specific opportunities, he would then slowly learn to identify those opportunities himself and eventually he may not need to be prompted for every opportunity. He would learn to love the individual as they desire to be loved, because they taught him how.
Maybe there’s a truth about us all that is not necessarily well-known, but should be: we all suck at love. But how can one know to change if they are never informed? If you are a victim of incompetent communication in love, whether from Daniel or anyone else, but have not told them, then they most likely are not fully aware of your experience in the relationship. Leaving things unspoken will solve nothing. So, just tell them, and then teach them how to adore you properly. The bottom line is that love is hard, but maybe we can all be each other’s tutors in learning this art.